My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.
We run in slow motion toward each other across an open field.
Her side is mined.
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You should just be thankful for all the things I don’t say.
A Swiss army knife, but one that has a tool that closes your mouth when you’re about to say something stupid.
Thanks to ChristianMingle, I met the woman I will put through a terrifying emotional rollercoaster before I finally come out of the closet.
*watches him dance*
*whispers* I’ve made a huge mistake.
Everyone wants to know WHO’S the killer but no one wants to know HOW’S the killer
Unless life also hands you sugar and water, your lemonade is gonna suck.
The Rock hasn’t released a movie in two weeks. I hope he’s okay.
I’m not allowed to watch Hoarders anymore because people say “let it go” too often and then I can’t stop singing it, an autobiography.
How to tell you’ve had a successful business meeting:
1) You ate free food
2) You said one thing that was confusing enough to sound intelligent
3) You left with no assigned action items