It’s only an overdose if you’re dead.
Farmer: if you want to fix that soil you have to fertilize it properly
Landscaper: sounds like bullshit
Farmer: yes exactly
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The irony of the gay pride flag is that it clashes with everything.
And so it begins…
She’ll be coming around the Mountain when she comes. – Mountain bragging.
you, an idiot: It’s pronounced worcestershire.
me, an intellectual and foodie: Actually, it’s pronounced worcestershire.
I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
It’s been 4 years since my job interview.
I’m beginning to suspect they chose someone else
Her: Awww. Can I hold your baby?
Me: Of course. Here you go.
Her: Can I see your phone?
Me: *eyes narrowed* Are you insane?
Be nice to your family. They get to pick the picture that will be in your obituary.