hey pistachios how about taken the shells off we don’t want those sweetie
me: how much for that pumpkin?
farmer: that’s my son
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Me: Do you like being right-handed?
Hubby: Umm, sure… why?
Me: Take another one of my fries again and see…
I’m sick and tired of people not appreciating the magic that is baking soda. Have a stain? Baking soda. Have a pimple? Baking soda. Making cookies? Baking soda. Accidentally caused a small kitchen fire making cookies? BAKING SODA!
baby shoes, never worn.
should have bought adult shoes.
Me: *Don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be we..
Me: OMG YES of COURSE pygmies are little people!!!
Your British accent is so attractive! If we had kids would they have British accents? We should do a scientific test & find out. For science
My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like “You’re five years old? When I was your age I was six!”
its macaroni and cheese not macaroni and steve
Aquarium managers: This is now a completely smoke-free facility.
Puffer fish: Dammit.