The secret society of the bean keepers is called the leguminati.
Fears: dying alone, getting horribly maimed or disfigured, people who stick their tongue out in photos
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“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
[Alien vs Predator]
Alien: I can eat your face off
Predator: I’m not allowed within 100 feet of a school
Sexy singles are waiting to talk to u. They don’t sleep. They wait. Forever waiting. Will u free them from this sexy prison? Call now
I’m not usually vengeful, but when I am it’s because someone gave my kid a whistle.
GUYS THE TEQUILA KARAOKE GUY MADE IT TO AMERICA’S GOT TALENT AND ACTUALLY GOT FOUR YESES IM CRYING
Me: My wife left me to go help colonize Mars
Therapist: That’s unsettling
Me: Actually, it’s the exact opposite
My 10yo said when they’re mean to people they miss recess.
A lot of you need to miss recess.
If you were 8 yrs old when “red red wine” was released UB40 now