@ClichedOut

feb 14: i love everything about u

feb 15: don’t breathe like that

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@aeroyonghusband

BREAKING NEWS: Rihanna won’t be attending this year’s #MetGala after a back injury sustained from carrying the entire weight of the event for years.

@2sassy4anyH

HR said I have to stop yelling “let’s make a baby” every time I want to collaborate on a project with someone.

@Ndeshi_M

I’m quitting modelling, I need more job security so I’m going to become a princess.

@MomOnFire

And then I heard my mother’s voice come out of my mouth like a demonic possession, “Get your hands off my breakable ornaments!”

@iwearaonesie

wife *comes downstairs* How long has my mom been here?
me: About an hour
wife:
me:
wife *lets her in*

@mattZillaaaa

What a cute baby, what’s her name?

“Ethel”

She’s gonna make a great grandmother