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@T_Bonezzz_: FedEx would be a cool name for a restaurant for divorced couples
@missmayn: Him: Mm girl, back that ass up.
Me: Like on iCloud or something?
@Dis0beyJay: *First Date*
Friend: Women like a little rebellion in a guy
Her: So, tell me about your day?
Me: I don't have to tell you shit
@bingowings14: If experience has taught me anything, I've forgotten what it was.
@realHamOnWry: Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
Me: Of course...we have free healthcare.
@AndrewChamings: [having sex] this is the best sex I've ever had
her: ok let's take your bike helmet off tho