Still disappointed that a goblet is just a cup and not a miniature goblin.
[feeding baby Malaysian food]
“Here comes the plane”
*makes plane noises*
*spoon just disappears*
You Might Also Like
The only time my wife will ever scream “DEEPER, DEEPER” is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
It’s almost like none of my friends and family want to hear about the healthy lifestyle I adopted three days ago.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need.
Don’t concern yourself with how I got in your house.
“He looks just like his grandfather” is a cute thing said about a new baby in most parts of the world. In Alabama,it’s more of an accusation
DAUGHTER: why did you name me Paris?
ME: You were conceived on our honeymoon in Paris
ME: (to son) what’s wrong 97FordF150?
Life status: stealing toilet paper from a used car dealership where I’m pretending I’m gonna buy a car just so I can steal toilet paper.
If you open a door for me, I will lick you. Sometimes it’s awkward.
To the guy that stole my anti-depressants, I hope you’re happy now
People are like trees: you can figure out their age by cutting into them & counting the rings.
Right? I didn’t do this for nothing, right?