People are always telling me I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I’ve never seen the movies, but she must be a beautiful gal.
*feeling chest pain* probably need more pie
You Might Also Like
H: I don’t understand what goes on in your head.
Me: If you prefer, I can quit twitter and just tell you all of this.
H: No, we’re good.
Found $0.83 under my pillow.
It appears that I still have all of my teeth so now I’m a little worried about what I was paid for.
*shoots self in foot*
“Damn i like the metaphor better”
just when I started to freak out I noticed the ghost that haunts my ensuite had written “don’t panic, you ate beets last night” with lipstick on the mirror and I am so grateful to have such a good friend
Considering the yr Jesus is said to have been born, I question those who give him the wheel or make him their copilot.
Me: *gets in pool* Come on in.
4-year-old: No, there might be sharks.
Me: *gets out of pool*
Take pictures with your camera sound turned up when someone comes into the bathroom stall next to yours
“I got your back”
“And I got your nose”
“Ooh I want his feet”
Mr. Potato Head: *sobbing* guys stop it
breakfast: black coffee, overnight oats with sunflower & pumpkin seeds
lunch: lentil soup with carrots and onions, zero calorie vitamin water
dinner: 11 beers, net of babybel cheeses and cigarettes also