Her: Ask me anything..
Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos?
Her: Are you seri..
Me: *flips table*
Few things create body issues like a hotel pool towel
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Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: you like my car?
Me: I could do this all day.
[First day, CSI]
Inspector: “Who did the chalk outlines?”
– “Me sir”
Inspector: “Did all the victims have jazz-hands?”
– “Sir. Yes sir”
You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and know when to run – ORIGAMI not for everyone !
trainer: Why are you here?
everyone else: To get fit!
me [with a mouthful of gummy bears] Mmfff
I’m gonna live tweet my Game of Thrones experience tonight, you guys ready? Here we go:
I can’t afford HBO.
my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they’re back
I kinda like zombies…but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?…my apocolypse plans depend on it….thanks!
I’m so tired of being jealous of my friends’ successes. It’s unhealthy and only hurts me. From now on, I’m going to focus on what’s really important: enjoying my friends’ failures.
Fun prank: a chameleon exhibit with no chameleon.