@GG_Mikey: fidget spinners are whack, when I was in 8th grade we'd shove a spoonful of cinnamon down our throats and try to survive for fun
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@squirrel74wkgn: [makes eye contact with guy on bus] Him: *opens flip phone* Me: *pulls out cordless phone* Him: ... Me: *stretches out metal antenna*
@GingerHotDish: Don’t worry if she spells out “I’m fine!” in lighter fluid on your front lawn, but if she lights it... she is definitely lying.
@AtticusFinch79: 🎶I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair🎶 *tiny little man falls out of my hair with a gentle thud* Him: Is that a new shampoo?
@_ElvishPresley_: We were smoking in my friend’s basement once and as I finished rolling up a 3rd blunt my friend goes “oh man, I’ve never smoked 3 blunts in one sitting before” to which I replied “Billy we smoked 4 blunts last weekend.” He was like “yeah, but never 3”