@ImSoFrancis

[ field trip to the zoo ]
Teacher: what’s your favorite animal?
Debra: I like zebras!
Deborah: I like zeborahs!

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@TheAlexNevil

Judge: How do you find the defendant?
Jury Foreman: Well…I guess I just look right at him. Why — isn’t that how you do it?

@_GrahamPatrick

[bedroom]

TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I’d never cheat on you.

TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay….hey, when did we get that wardrobe?

@FrenulumBreve

*Britney Spears releases a new fragrance*

*the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*

@mattytalks

Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5’9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please

@mrjohndarby

Don’t forget to hug your friends. They might be hiding a burrito from you, so get a good feel