accidentally called out my dentist’s name during my colonoscopy
Fifth Third Bank? I don’t think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.
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Airlines texting me “we in this together” emails but when my bag was 35kg I was on my own.
My Wife wears some very revealing shirts.
Today’s shirt says ‘Nick’s ATM code is 1234’ on it.
Siri, where are my pants?
How do I put this gently? You make me feel… unwet?
You have been warned.
That was THE best 10 hours of sleep I’ve ever had.
Thanks for asking me to sleep with you!
Huh. You look upset.
I bought 4 bottles of wine and I seriously underestimated the severity of this quarantine.
One of the weirdest aspects of being human is that if something is cute enough our only response is to want to squeeze it until it’s dead.
I thought Game of Thrones was a show about bathrooms