7yo: Let’s not talk ALL day today
Me: *holy shit yessss*
7yo: LET’S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD
Me: Right. Of course.
You Might Also Like
[Plays air guitar]
[Dodges air panties]
Another day, another police escort from an all you can eat buffet.
Boredom is the leading cause of pregnancy.
Unless you’re on Twitter 24/7. Then it becomes the leading form of birth control.
my body type can best be described as “the more the merrier”
“Have any questions?”
Think the 3 Little Pigs hired the Big Bad Wolf to blow their houses down to collect insurance money?
it’s called art look it up
Last night I slept for 6 hours straight then 1 hour gay.
A robot steals your job. It hurts, but that’s how the economy works. Nothing personal. The robot starts texting your wife.
ME: The mugger…he called himself “Antman”
SKETCH ARTIST: *puts a dot on a piece of paper*
ME [shaking] omg that’s him!