*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
[fight scene – me and a murderer kick a gun across the room and grapple for it]
me: [reaching under couch] shit
murderer: let me try i have longer arms
me: you do not
murderer: do too. stand up
[we measure arm length]
murderer: yeah i got like a 6’3” wingspan
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Tequila: No stay, have a couple more
Me: I need to go to bed
Tequila: Shhhh just sleep on the floor, I got you
*makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*