GOD: u wanna go back to earth?
GOD: to absolve man of sin
GOD: you’d get two birthdays
JESUS: let me get my coat
[filming lord of the rings: fellowship]
peter jackson: great scene
sean bean: thanks but it’s pronounced “shawn”
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Siri, what’s depression?
Siri: Here are your directions to Chuck E Cheese.
You never know how strong you are until you have to move your furniture all alone.
What idiot called him Alexander graham bell instead of lord of the rings
Friend: My baby turned 3 today. He’s growing up so fast!
Me: He’s actually growing up at an equal speed to every other human being on the planet.
(why I’m not invited to birthday parties anymore.)
My youngest son can grow a beard even though his father can’t.
Score 1, for my facial hair producing genes.
if you see suicide squad be sure to stay after the credits. lots of people leave half empty containers of popcorn and you can just have them
Why is it called being a virgin?
Why not a Get-no-sexual?
All the rooms in this asthma clinic offer breathtaking views.