@TheHyyyype

finally caved and watched tiger king. shit is bananas. the uncle killed the dad while the kid watched, then the kid ran away and hung out with a warthog and a meerkat for years? then he hallucinated his dad talking to him from the sky? weird

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@SortaBad

Halloween costumes

Age 10: monster

Age 25: sexy fireman

Age 35: sexy mobilization to end systematic oppression of underrepresented groups

@Vodkantots

At this point in my life, my biological clock isn’t so much ticking as it is knitting.

@mikealfredcaine

my grandad came to this country with four pounds in his pocket, my nan was holding a suitcase full of cash & heroin

@Rollinintheseat

The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat

@Discourt

My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting.

@AmishPornStar1

Y’know who else threw the bubble-wrap away without popping all the bubbles?

Hitler