Kinda creepy that my kids got in a screaming match over which one is my favorite since I don’t have any kids.
Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
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I’m feeling a little too good about myself today, I guess I’ll call my mother.
I like to go to zen gardens and shout at things.
Just asked someone I thought was Gary Busey for an autograph.
She was not happy.
[Garden of Eden]
EVE: If I eat the apple I get to leave?
GOD: Get to?
ADAM SANDLER: Eatin that appley bappodoodaly
EVE: Yes, get to.
Guys you need to work this out.
*water balloon fight at 10 paces*
I’m goth enough to know that when your basement door opens for no apparent reason, you walk down those steps.
I was gonna post a picture of my breakfast but I can’t get the gummy bears to sit up straight.
happy easter everybody! remember it’s not about the bunny but when scott stapp was nailed to that cross
[walks into bookstore]
Me: do you have any books on turtles?
Worker: Hard back?
Me: Yeah, with little heads.