@sip_at_home_mom: Finally relating to the moms in the group, but after a few awkward minutes, realized their "magic bullet" was a food processor.
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@ElKnuckelhombre: My 7 yr. old thought it would be really funny to hold up a sign in the back window of the car that said "HELP ME!". It was not.
@TheresNoGodzila: Her: You spent our entire life savings on dogs Me: They're golden retrievers, Karen. They retrieve gold. I did it for us
@Black__Elvis: Hey baby, is your father a thief because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes and also my TV is missing.
@ObscureGent: The thought of two people colliding mid air while looking at their phones is the main reason I wish that humans could fly.