*takes a hit off the joint
This is the best baked sale ever
“It’s a BAKE sale”
Tell me about it
finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
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I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
just became the pop-tarts CEO and let’s just say I hope you guys like mayonnaise
There is a new app. that tells you how smarter your dog is.
Here’s how it works :-
If you bought the app. your dog is smarter than you.
Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase “but there’s a good chance I’m wrong about that”
Everyone on this website is always like, “Eat the rich,” but then Carol Baskin feeds her millionaire husband to a tiger and it’s a problem, hypocrites
Therapist: and what do we do when we’re feeling sad?
Me: put on a flowy duster and a fringed scarf and sing along to Landslide on repeat while we sway back and forth and channel the goddess Stevie
Therapist [downloading Fleetwood Mac]: this session is on me
me: I really can’t stay
him: but, baby it’s-
me: *tail lights*
“Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That’s all, so you don’t need to look.”
– my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious
Why does watching a movie with the kids mean constantly having to remind them I didn’t write the script?