Take this time to do something creative!
– learn to paint
– play some songs
– write that book
– no wait your book is too similar to the book I’m trying to write
– stop you’re a faster writer than me!
– universal is already inquiring about movie righys?!?
– it’s a trilogy?!?!?!
Find someone who cares about you as much as gmail cares about new devices signing into your account
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It’s when I saw the children playing with their toys completely wrong that I knew I had to step in
Sorry I shot your SUV but it’s deer season, I saw the antlers and I panicked.
*1st day in hell*
Devil: So you just sit in this room and people give you gifts
Me: Oh nice
Devil: And you have to react to each one
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
The name England comes from the words ‘engorged’ and ‘gland’ inspired, of course, by the shape of the country.
10 bucks says Kanye signed the guest book at his own wedding.
Hey! Remember how fat your arms are?
When you use a camera to digitise a coursework for submission, please make sure you crop out any bits you don’t usually show off in public. Alternatively, please wear pants when taking the photos.
A disturbed lecturer