@SarcasticAlly12

Find someone who shares your values & dreams- but likes a different kind of dipping sauce for chicken strips so you don’t have to share that

You Might Also Like

@Ygrene

[God Creating Dads]
God: Ah, yes. Think I’m done
Dads: Hi Done, we’re Dads!
God:
Dads:
God: *creates the adjustable thermostat*

@evofck

My roommate wouldn’t let me name our wireless network ‘Bill Wi the Science Fi’ because he has no sense of humor.

@withanewname

“Yes mam that’ll be $1200”

“Just to remove a cassette tape that’s stuck?”

“Ma’m, it’s in your CD player”

@SteveKoehler22

62% of marriage conversation is just
spouses stating “I never said that.”

@Annekinns

Avoid getting invited to family reunions by asking your relatives for money.

@kelownagoose

My cape keeps getting caught in the wheels of my scooter, so don’t tell me about your problems.

@Browtweaten

Hunter: We hunt the most dangerous game- man

Me: But statistically the most dangerous is-

Mosquito on the wall: *violently shushing me*