@Kids_kubed

Find someone who will worry about you like the way my Amazon delivery guy does when I don’t order anything in more than two days

Find someone who will worry about you like the way my Amazon delivery guy does when I don’t order anything in more than two days

- @Kids_kubed

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@MarfSalvador

Him: Shall we have sex?

Her: I want to wait til we’re married

Him: Ugh fine

Priest: Shall I continue?

@karanbirtinna

I have some bad news. I was experiencing some symptoms and got myself checked. It’s as I feared.

I tested positive for being brown.

@schumoo

My plans for world domination will have to be put on hold while I try to open this package of batteries.

@arielleBigBlue

If I could, I would avoid every conversation by making that beeping truck sound while slowly backing away from people as they approach me.

@whatmaddness

Are dog catching nets real or just lies taught to us by Big Cartoon

@KenJennings

Yes, in fact I DO know what it’s like to bleed like crazy once a month. That’s my flossing schedule.

@breatheandlove

Both her name and her living situation suggests that the dwarves MAY have been referring to Snow White when they sang, ‘high ho.’