Finding Nemo. Grilling Nemo. Eating Nemo.

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Rapture’s tomorrow. Christians will be flying up into the air to meet Jesus.

Two words: DUCK HUNT


My counselor told me that conquering my fears would end my depression, so here I am, depressed, but at the top of a mountain


Prank your dog by loosening his collar a bit everyday and googling “shrinking dog syndrome” while he’s on your lap


I don’t know where it went wrong, but even Barbie has a nicer house and car than me.


Husband just told our daughter we were going hiking “near the place where mommy had to pee outside”


“What do you like to do in your free time?”


“Oh that’s cool. When’s the last time you played?”

8 years ago.


Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back.


when i was 17 my car started to spin out on the freeway during a blizzard and the only thing that snapped me out of my terror enough to be able to regain control was the chilling revelation that I didn’t want 2 Phones by Kevin Gates to be the soundtrack to my death


Renee Zellweger is living proof that if you keep making that face it’s going to be stuck that way forever