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@mrjohndarby: [finishes a 15 minute drum solo] I think that answers your question, your honor.
@citizenkawala: When a millenial asks why everyone in old photos have red eyes I tell them they were too young to remember the great demon uprising of the 1980s.
@TheDairylandDon: As I basted the turkey, I swear I heard it say "just not in my hair"
@CharlesFinch: They did not think through this water fountain
@dumbbeezie: The best part of being a bear would be waking up from hibernation and immediately killing something
@BoomBoomBetty: Foreigner: I want to know what love is.
Me: And I want to know why people do weird things like put butter on banana bread.