[hears a baby crying on the train]
Can somebody put that thing on silence please?
“It’s a baby..”
if we had a pole instead of stairs, we could get to the trucks much quicker
“why dont we just sit downstairs?”
You Might Also Like
if cupid went bow hunting would the deer population increase or decrease?
If sexual frustration could be transferred into a usable energy source, I would be sitting on a gold mine
Until I became a parent I had never heard a human cry because they bumped their head on the roof of a blanket fort
Planning to edit the three Hobbit movies into one watchable movie. Should I use Instagram or Vine?
The forecast isn’t calling for rain so I’m just going to wash my car to prove the weatherman wrong
“Damn do you have a wizard wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ;)”
*pulls wand from pocket*
“I haven’t been happy in years”
Me: why isn’t a boy ant called an uncle
Date: why isn’t a girl praying mantis called a praying womantis
*we do it right there*
Me: [walking through front door]
4: Is it storming outside?
Me: Yeah it is buddy.
4: Did you get hit by lighting?
Me: Nope I’m all safe-
4: Why not?
We have a family-friendly policy to always seat children onboard with their parents
Me: Even if I pay extra?