*Likes your fan page* *Hides activity from timeline*
FIRMS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF OFFERING SERVICES YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND AT PRICES THEY REFUSE TO DISCUSS.
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[inventor of the mirror]
“That wall doesn’t look enough like me”
INTERVIEWER: this says u work well with otters. Did u mean others?
ME (shoving a romp of otters back into my briefcase): haha yeah of course
I’m a little sad about my weight gain, but like they say, “suck it up, cup of butter.”
me: how much to see the great white sharks?
vendor: tickets are $25 each
me: alright *looks up from wallet* how much for the just ok white sharks?
I ruined my diet to finish the last 5 donuts in the office because my coworkers are on a diet too so yeah, I sacrifice for the people I love
Me: So you can’t see me?
Him: Nope. Not at all.
Me: (stops sucking in gut) This is the best date ever!
I’m reexamining my life after buying 63 pounds of unsalted butter because it seems a little weird even by my standards
posting a sc story for 1 specific person to see is the modern day equivalent of gatsby hosting elaborate parties in hopes that daisy attends
Astronauts wear helmets to hide their tears when they discover the moon isn’t made of cheese.