The best part about sex is the roundhouse kicks.
Date: how much do you drink a week?
Me: Haha, I don’t even answer that at my check up.
Date: right.. Let’s do shots.
Me: i love shots.
Date, pulling off glasses to reveal my Doctor: gotcha
You Might Also Like
Really not sure what’s all the fuss about the Queen’s #Nazi salute, everyone knows ‘Scissors Beat Paper’
Highway to Hell is my favorite song about walking down the aisle.
Me: “Wanna see something cool?”
*places piping hot bowl of soup into refrigerator
me: do you sell ducks?
him: yes, but they’re going quick
me: ok i’ll take one
me: i see
Her: I <3 you.
Me: I… I sideways balls you too.
“Anyone know why these two should not be joined in marriage?”
ME: *from back* THEY’RE DOING A CASH BAR
*priest drops bible*
Why is America trying to bomb the lady who lives in my iPhone she seems nice
I told my husband I wanted a hedgehog and he said we don’t need a hedgehog. Long story short, we’re picking it up on Thursday.
I’m hiring a motivational speaker for my lazy eye.