Autumn. When libraries see the classics fly off the shelves as people look for heavy books to press leaves.
Date: well I had a great time tonight.
Me: me too.
Date: give me a ring sometime.
Me: [pulls out engagement ring I brought just in case we clicked] this was my grandmothers-
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Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they’re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
If you hold a croissant to your ear like a phone it connects you to the president of France.
Accidentally opened Excel. Decided to roll with it and get my life together. See you all never.
Confidence should never be confused with arrogance.
Arrogance is spelled way differently.
THEY SAID A MASK AND GLOVES WERE ENOUGH TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE
EVERYBODY ELSE HAD CLOTHES ON
Good morning to everyone, especially those who say “oh ffs, what now?” Every time their news notification on their phone goes off
me: i feel like you only want me for my body :/
the demonic spirit possessing me: no elle, why would you think that?
Me: Would you have a minute to speak about my lord and savior, nachos supreme?
Her: Sir, for the last time just tell me your order.