Don’t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
*dont let him know you been stalking him
Him- so my brother just got deployed
Me: Josh or Brian?
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Mission Impossible? He’s done four of them now. Let’s call it “Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable”
Son: “Dad, why is my sister called Gareth Southgate?”
Me: “Well, when you & your sister were born, we decided your sister would be named for something your Mum loved & you’d be named for something I loved.”
Son: “Ah ok. Thanks Dad.”
Me: “You’re welcome, Also Gareth Southgate.”
YOU CAN ORDER AN AIR HORN ON AMAZON AND BRING THE FIGHT DIRECTLY TO THE GEESE.
Neighbours kids just challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just tweeting while I wait for the kettle to boil.
I know it’s International Women’s Day but I’d like to give a shout out to all the national and local women as well.
I’ve discovered a magical land through the back of the wardrobe, it’s inhabitants are similar to my neighbours, albeit a lot more hostile.
I need you guys to take my phone away from me. It’ll probably take a couple of you to do it. I’m a biter.
I USED VOLUMIZING SHAMPOO TODAY AND NOW I CAN’T STOP SHOUTING!