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@iinkedZombie: [first date]
HER: ask me anything..
ME: are you paying for dinner?
@Adyaces: Just slammed my foot on the pedal trying to impress a girl. Turns out she'd seen a bin opened like that before.
@Browtweaten: *Game Character Treatment Center*
Counselor: Okay new faces, please tell us why you're here
Pac-Man: Binge eating
Lara Croft: Kleptomania
Ryu: *crying* I can't stop fighting streets
@NewDadNotes: Me: Alexa, watch our kids.
Wife: wait, really?
Me: shhh, lets leave before she changes her mind!
@AthenaMystique: Apparently UFC is not Ultimate Fried Chicken and now I'm even hungrier watching huge greased up men touch each other inappropriately.
@SgtButtCheeks: I once knew a brother so smooth he wore a bluetooth in each ear and held the exact same conversation with 2 separate women at the same time