I hate when people say “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” I mean, c’mon, one inconvenience at a time.
[first day as a bartender]
Customer: I’ll have a martini, dry
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don’t know how to tell you this
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“You’re sure that’s the right word?”
“Like ,80% sure, yeah.”
Today’s Forecast: Room Temperature
Tomorrow’s Forecast: Room Temperature
Long-Term Forecast: Room Temperature
“Honey, don’t try to feed ice cream to the Christmas tree,” is a thing I literally just said.
I can’t run from my demons. The law clearly states I have to keep them until they’re 18.
I did errands without my phone and it took 6 days, 17 hours and 59 minutes less time.
It happens when you least expect it.
Your head starts to spin. You lose control and you start falling head over heels.
Hey to all the girls with more than one person in their picture you’re making this VERY DIFFICULT.
Boss:Why is your voice gone? Are you ok?
Me:*thinks back to me belting out Ariana Grande’s “Dangerous Woman”*
I’m ok…allergies are bad.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after you sprayed me down with your sneeze.