@chuuew
@freedom2726
YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
Migraine: Yes I am.
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@freedom2726
@4SLars
PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole.
@Bethsteere
😂
@CroweJam
Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive.
@DamienFahey
The government says 50 terror plots have been thwarted since NSA surveillance. What a perfectly even, unsuspicious number.
@TheWeirdWorld
I wonder how many animals we had to ride before we discovered that horses were cool with it.
@knot_kristy
i miss when my mom would fix girls nails after they got in a fight for free if they showed her the fight video
@dethbycofee
its cute how 2020 is trying to out do itself by being more shitty everyday. almost like itโs trying to impress me….omg are u flirting with me, 2020?
@ClichedOut
WAITER: u can choose between 5 potato options and a salad
ME: the 5 potato options, please
@Henry_3000
It reminds me of the time I walked in on my parents having sex and they tried to convince me they were lying on top of one another to see who was longer.