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@HansGrubertron: [First day as a hacker]
Boss: what's taking so long?
Me: adobe needs updating
@Xalqee: You know you're an Alcoholic when you can't even say the word "sober" without making air quotes
@lipstickbrat1: *during sex*
Him: Hurt me
Me: Your brother is hotter than you
Me: Not a big fan of the new haircut either
@IamEveryDayPpl: It may look like I'm a sloppy eater but really I'm just teaching my dog about trickle-down economics...
@fuzzlime: I pronounce CHampagne & CHandelier like CHimp so the lower class thinks I'm "approachable" & the upper class thinks I'm "eclectic"
@thebeckyard: Accidentally used 13's shower gel, so I just copped a huge attitude, yelled at everyone and slammed some doors.