[first day as a pharmacist]
Customer: do you have any cold medicine?
Me: *looks around* I think they’re all room temperature

You Might Also Like


I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just ridiculous!


The cable company is sending a guy out between 1:00 and 2017.


Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?
Because he didn’t feel well.


“You suck.”
“No, you suck.”
“Really, you suck.”
“Please, you suck.”
“You suck, I insist.”

— Polite vampires.


What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?
*gets arrested*


I’m gonna start using my cat’s ages like y’all do your kids.

5 just projectile vomited and 1 is trying to eat it off the floor.


By this time of year baby Jesus was probably already totally sick of playing with his frankincense.


Me: *scratches another tally mark into these prison walls*

Boss: stop damaging the office walls!


Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a zombie army. The proper name is the Marine Corpse.