Doctor: Take this medicine. It will help with your condition.
Me: Oh, I don’t know. I don’t like the idea of taking medicine daily.
Doctor: It is also helps with weight loss.
Me: So, how many can I take in a day and still live?
[First day as a superhero]
Oh hell yeah!
*sees a crime happening*
*the bad guy looks really mean*
Umm, I’ll get the next one
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What’s white & falls from the sky?
“The coming of the Lord.”
…please enjoy this tweet. I’m going to hell.
I’m deleting some dumb tweets.
I need all your passwords please.
Sometimes I accidentally hit “z” instead of “.” and end up sending texts like “see you laterz” like I’m a cool teen from 2003.
I hope that one day I am as fearless as a New York City Pigeon.
So, when I wear my phone clipped to my belt & a fanny pack, I’m a douche.nnBatman does it & it’s a bad-ass utility belt. nnnDouble standard.
picture a potato but sexy
lol i just tricked u into thinking of me naked