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@humanaaron: [first day as a wizard]
me: babe I said I was sorry
@ShortSleeveSuit: HER: do you own any firearms
ME [trying to impress]: no but I have some hot legs
@MarkTConard: If dinosaurs were still alive, people would do a lot more running.
@_eric_alexander: I'm gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation.
@murrman5: gf: its over I can’t be with someone so cheap with such a bad temper
me: arghhh *grabs lamp and places it on it’s side against the wall*
@Bahstonlady: Women are better than cake. You can have a woman and eat her too.