I’ve been eating healthy, so it’s not the best time to confront me on something trivial.
[first day in the Coast Guard]
Sea Captain: HELP MY SHIP IS SINKING!
Me: [lying in boat hammock] sorry buddy, I joined the Coast Guard not the Work Hard Guard.
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*anna quietly knocks on elsa’s door after olaf falls asleep* do you wanna kill a snowman?
My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don’t come over to my house, unless you’re really into raves or want to have a seizure.
I like my ex’s like I like my coffee…
Ground up and in the freezer
Me: will you wake your sister
4: no that’s way too scary
Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It’s what he would have wanted.
Human babies are 75% water at birth, a slightly higher water content than bananas and slightly less than fresh potatoes.
Yoga is really kicking in. I’m seeing the definition in my arms and overall flexibility. My vibrator is gonna be really impressed.
In scandinavia they’re called fjarts
love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime