[first day in the Coast Guard]


Me: [lying in boat hammock] sorry buddy, I joined the Coast Guard not the Work Hard Guard.

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I’ve been eating healthy, so it’s not the best time to confront me on something trivial.


*anna quietly knocks on elsa’s door after olaf falls asleep* do you wanna kill a snowman?


My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don’t come over to my house, unless you’re really into raves or want to have a seizure.


Me: will you wake your sister

4: no that’s way too scary


Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It’s what he would have wanted.


Human babies are 75% water at birth, a slightly higher water content than bananas and slightly less than fresh potatoes.


Yoga is really kicking in. I’m seeing the definition in my arms and overall flexibility. My vibrator is gonna be really impressed.