– First day of College
– Dorm meeting

Dorm monitor: Any questions guys?


You Might Also Like


Whoa there, pregnancy test. You just tell us yes or no and we’ll decide if it’s positive or negative.


If I accidentally put a live scorpion in my mouth and chewed on it, am I going to die? Don’t ask how that happened….but my tongue is numb.


Cop: Sir, you can’t use hand-held communication devices while driving

Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?


Guinea pigs aren’t real pets. You buy them when your kids are begging for a dog, but you want to make them sad instead.


you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes “sexual” the rest of the boys all agree that he is


You’re clearly insane. Ok, I’ll give you twelve more chances


One of My Ex’s was absolutely beautiful. But, it didn’t workout because all she wanted to do was SWING.

I miss third grade.


“Your résume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?”
*flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts*
“Grad school.”


Me: Let’s try it have a nice weekend without any fighting, ok?

Hub: Agreed

Me: Wait, where are you going?

Hub: Fishing. See you Monday


Dads in horror movies always have the most chill explanations.
“Our son is covered in pentagrams!”
Well maybe he’s just allergic to dairy.