First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took.

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Catholic mass is just Catholic force divided by Catholic acceleration


How is it that a parking spot gets paid more per hour than I do


I act like Pacman at parties.

I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.


My mom always used to give me a card on Valentineโ€™s Day when I was a kid. She stopped doing it when we broke up.


In my younger days, I was bullied. Fed up one day I punched the biggest kid in class. I think about that teaching job often.


I am calling for a truce between emos and kpop stans to take down the one true enemy, Ticketmaster


Martial arts movie, starring me
Master: You wish to learn to fight?
Me: Yes
Master: The training is very difficult
Me: Oh then no
The End


Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping and the other third making viral videos.


One of the best parts of marriage is having someone to hate the couples on House Hunters with.