@topherjordan

First, there was Planking, then Owling and Milking, now there’s Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be Thinking, that would be great.

You Might Also Like

@copymama

I was reading a book with my 7yo where a teacher was getting married and INVITED ALL HER STUDENTS and then the students started SECRETLY PLANNING THE WEDDING to help out and I was so stressed out like “wtf, how is this gonna pan out, these kids don’t know how to hire a band”

@envydatropic

In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik’s Cube to solve it

@Donna_McCoy

Got a booty text from my ex-husband so I did the logical thing and forwarded it to his new girlfriend.

@neiltyson

A curious tradition — to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, “Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me.”

@bylinetd

Avacado is butter mascarading as a vegetable.

Somebody had to say it.

@Cpin42

[with my final breath] Tell my wife that I loved..the economy

@Adar79Angie

People think I’m a hugger, but I’m actually shaking them down for snacks.

@LostFelicia

Sometimes I have a life and other times I surf YouTube videos looking for a good fight in the comments section.

@MickSnark

Me: “I like you.”
Date: “I like you, too.”
Me: “Well this just got boring.”