If someone says they’d “Like a word with you,” I can guarantee it’s way more than one word and you’re not going to like any of them.
[first time picking up the tab]
her: don’t forget to leave a tip
me: ah yes *scribbles ‘don’t do drugs’ on receipt*
You Might Also Like
There’s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Came downstairs to find my 85 year old mum watching the TV
Me:” Why are you watching Thatcher’s funeral?”
Mum: “Just to make sure”
So your kid can speak 3 languages?
That’s great. Mine can speak lizard.
Can we talk about your pleated, cuffed corduroys, or are we just going to let it happen?
I dont ‘scrub up’ like a surgeon after using the urinal because growing up, they taught us not to piss all over our hands n arms, you baboon
So far today I’ve watched cartoons, had a nap, drank chocolate milk and ate cereal for lunch. I’m basically a toddler.
How is it my dog understands the word no, but my children don’t?
Me: look at these colorful leaves, fall is so beautiful
Leaf: *cough* behold the desolation of my brothers *wheeze* death surrounds us all