Five second rule? Pfft. What’s the point of having an immune system if you’re not going to use it?

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Me: [going in for a hug]



Just how hairy was the person who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?


Doing squats. And by that I mean I’m in the squat position. But really the couch is holding me up. I’m sitting on the couch.


A Girl on Twitter, finally gave birth,Now she’s been tweeting her baby pics every 20min & Makes me feel I am raising her child with my Data


I don’t think people understand the potential ramifications when they say to me “just be yourself”.


Single by choice, just not my choice.

Damn you, 19th amendment!


“Nice legs”
*Swipes right*
“Nice legs”
*Swipes right*
“Nice legs”
*Swipes right*
“Nice legs”
*Swipes right*

– Spider tinder


Can’t believe people still say “pot” it’s not the 70s anymore we call it “saucepan” now