@MichaelTrying: Flat Earth is a conspiracy invented by Big Aluminum to sell more foil.
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@abbycohenwl: Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is? Teacher: No, you're not understanding—(sees it's almost 3 pm)—because magic
@ThatBrenna: I lick all the grapes at the grocery store. It's romantic. Some stranger is going home with my kisses on their grapes.
@DanMentos: mortgage broker: You’ll need proof of stable income. me: no problem broker: Where are you currently employed? me: Spirit Halloween