Thank God for butter because without butter all butterflies would be just flies and that sounds terrible.
*flicks cigarette after a long drag*
Here’s the thi—
*coughs for like ten minutes straight bc I’ve never smoked before*
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2020: A masked guy puts lasagna in your trunk and then you drive away.
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I made a grown man cry today in court.
But yet I can’t get my kids to clean their damn rooms.
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“You want to have your cake and eat it, too.” “Yeah. It’s MY cake.”
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Baked turkey for 4 and a half days – instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!