Just made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
*flips over table*
*table flips back up*
Table: You got a problem?
Me: DO YOU?
Me: I SAID DO WE HA-
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I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find ’em.
Your date leans in and whispers “I’m not wearing panties.” You shiver. She continues: “I pooped a little and had to throw them away.”
Mary: oh no my period is late
Joseph: oh no how late
Mary: I dunno, what’s the date
Joseph: hmm according to the calendar it’s 9 months BC
Mary: 9 months what now
Shouldn’t all ghosts be naked? It’s not like your clothes die too.
My doctor tells me I’m healthy enough for sexual activity…I’m just not attractive enough.
Quick new parent question at what age do you let your new baby start sleeping indoors?
I just saw a commercial that invited me to watch more of it on the internet! Bc That’s the problem w/commercials! They’re not long enough!
“Curiosity killed the cat”, only it’s me looking up my symptoms on the internet.
I ain’t sayin she a gold digger, but she has a helmet with a flashlight on it, and a pick axe.