Flock of bats

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Me: I need to know where you are at all times. If you go somewhere new, text me. Understand?

Taco truck driver: Okay.


Girls, if you’re gonna shave your eyebrows off just to draw them on again, at least make them interesting. How about drawing two umbrellas?


We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.


spider: I need 4 pairs of pants

assistant: might I suggest, instead of pants, a dress

spider: I’ll give it a try

spider: *twirling in a billowy dress* I feel fantastic

assistant: very attractive, sir


Quoting famous dead people on the internet is stupid.



You’ve taken 3 pregnancy tests this month.
“What’s your point”
My point is that your shoplifting is odd and out of control Eric.


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Keep your goddamn mouth closed
Whenever you chew


[edits wikipedia so the facts i made up for my school paper work]


It’s the last month of school, here are 97 activities in the middle of the day parents need to attend.

-elementary schools