Me: I need to know where you are at all times. If you go somewhere new, text me. Understand?
Taco truck driver: Okay.
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Girls, if you’re gonna shave your eyebrows off just to draw them on again, at least make them interesting. How about drawing two umbrellas?
We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.
spider: I need 4 pairs of pants
assistant: might I suggest, instead of pants, a dress
spider: I’ll give it a try
spider: *twirling in a billowy dress* I feel fantastic
assistant: very attractive, sir
Quoting famous dead people on the internet is stupid.
me: *shakes magic 8 ball* will i ever find my maracas?
You’ve taken 3 pregnancy tests this month.
“What’s your point”
My point is that your shoplifting is odd and out of control Eric.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Keep your goddamn mouth closed
Whenever you chew
[edits wikipedia so the facts i made up for my school paper work]
It’s the last month of school, here are 97 activities in the middle of the day parents need to attend.