You’d think Goldilocks would have been all like, “Damn, it smells like bears in here. Is that a family portrait of bears?! I should leave.”
Food just tastes better upside-down
1. upside-down cake
3. not cereal tho
4. oh no cereal is everywhere
5. why did I do this
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I’m not trying to seduce you, I’m just very bad at eating
ME: Please, I beg you, just tell me the ingredients.
RECIPE SITE: Sure!
ME: Thank you.
RECIPE SITE: After I explain WHY I love these ingredients—
ME: *Whispers* No.
RECIPE SITE: —It was a crisp, fall evening, and I, a wide-eyed college student, was studying in Rome.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I’m living in their attic.
The year 2072:
“What did you study in college?”
“I majored in October 1–8, 2020.”
“That seems really broad. Did you focus on anything within that?”
Some girl is stalking me & has been telling ppl I’m her boyfriend. I’m flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship
i make my smoothies with a handful of kale, parsley, cabbage, broccoli, lemon zest and ice and blend it all in the garbage disposal.
Oh I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood. This is a Ferrets wheel. When your compartment is 90 feet in the air, we release the ferrets.
I’m having a little bit of trouble right now.
Maybe Aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.