Food that tastes nothing like its name:
egg roll

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The referee has thrown a yellow flag. A red flag, a green, an orange, a blue. I’m now being told a magician has run on the field.


When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn’t suspect that I watch Glee


I’ve done hundreds of crossword puzzles over the years, but just this morning I noticed they provide clues.


She gave me life
She gave me love
She gave me sarcasm
She gave me the ability to
cut brake lines so that it
looks like an accident.


[11 has been working on his homework for 1 hour]

11: Guess what, there are only 3 people in the U.S. with my exact name.

Me: What class is this for?

11: I haven’t started yet.



my skin is a few shades darker than my siblings on either side, so I stood out.

one time when I was about 5, a woman looked at all of us and asked

“are you tan from the sun!?”

and i said

“no i’m nate from earth”


Hot lady mouse looking for good time. Any mouse will do boy mouse or girl mouse. Groups preferred. Meet in woods AT NIGHT. Will be a hoot.


2 friends and I once pulled the 3 kids in a trenchcoat trick & killed a man got tried as an adult but when they hung mike, paul & I fell out