I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.
For a mountain to be called Kilimanjaro, it needs to kill at least 1 manjaro.
You Might Also Like
my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don’t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March….. I got this.
Kurt Cobain: I feel stupid
Me: Don’t be so hard on yourself
Kurt Cobain: And contagious
Me: What the fuck man why aren’t you at home
“Don’t make things all about you for once…”
My mother says hi.
Doctor: *taps knee with mallet* feel that?
Doctor: or this? *jabs toe with a pin*
Doctor: Just as I suspected. This is my leg
I haven’t had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.
Logged out of Twitter for a few hours… Finally graduated college, lost some weight, showered, read 17 books, and started a family.
I have a condition that I eat when I can’t sleep. Its called Insom-nom-nom-nomnia.
Just look at all these clinical brochures I got at the Doctor. Alcohol abuse, drug abuse, unprotected sex…
Sounds like a fun night!