Don’t talk to me about hardship. You guys will never have to refold a road map.
For a petite woman my wife snores like a downshifting Mack truck.
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Well. That’s not a good sign.
* Finds what I’m looking for
* Can’t remember why I was looking
I now pronounce you internet boyfriend and girlfriend.
You may put your hand down your pants and kiss your phone.
X-tra spooky blend
Me: I can’t decide on a name for the hamster
Wife: Why don’t you sleep on it?
Me: Jesus Christ Amy, I’d squash it
her: my fantasy is eating whipped cream off each other, what’s yours
JRR Tolkien: *big breath in*
This dogs tail is more talented than I will ever be
Me: School starts in a few days.
7-year-old: Not if you can’t find me.